Three years later-I am back!

After a long hiatus, I am attempting to return back to my blog. While I will, at some point, reflect on why I didn't continue to blog, at least, for now, I want to put my thoughts down on what prompted me to pick up the cyber-pen and write this post.

I have been encouraged to write about my journey towards better fitness. While I don't really think that my story is compelling, others seem to think, more than I do, that there may be more merit in penning my experiences. This may still be seen but I need to speak about my observations of late.

At least twice a week, I travel through the 14th Street connector tunnel between the F train stop on Sixth Avenue and the 1 train on Seventh Avenue. I am a quick walker but not with as rapid tempo as others. Still, I pass up fellow commuters on my way through the tunnel. Twice in the past two weeks, I have noticed plus-size women negotiating the somewhat long tunnel. Their steps are without spring and they sway, almost waddle, side-to-side. Their gait was, at one time, my gait; one lumbering step after another. As I pass them by, I just want to reach out to them and tell them that it can get better, if they want "it" to get better. But, then, I hold myself back and mind my own matters as I stride ahead. Who am I to make comments to a stranger? Would I have wanted that kind of attention? One young woman was even shrouded in black from head-to-toe and noticeably pulling her shoulders inward, as if to say "don't notice me although you have no choice but to notice me". I feel for these ladies; I am no expert, only a person who has applied the wisdom lighted upon me by others. Don't I have an obligation to pass on what I have learned? Yet, would I have wanted someone to point out the painfully obvious to me, however well-intentioned? I would have to say....NO! 

I am sad for others who have not yet committed to their own journey. I can only lead by example and to be true to myself. 

It's official: Cancer

I received my diagnosis on Tuesday--endometrial adenocarcinoma. I still can't believe it, only because it is too bizarre to comprehend. Yes, I have cancer. 

If I think about it, I could be so angry at myself. Why did I wait 14 years to see a gynecologist? Why did I stay overweight for the majority of my life? Why did I not pay attention to my irregular monthly cycles? Or, rather, why did I think that it was part of my thyroiditis to have such irregularity for such a long time? 

I am an educated person--I have a strong background in human biology. Was it denial? Was it distraction by other parts of my life? Was it laziness or indifference? At this point, does it really matter what I did wrong, or, is it more important to focus on what I will do now?

I now have to tell people. My mother is trying to hold it together--I think she wants to get us boxing gloves to fight this thing. I dropped the bombshell on my best friend by phone. I just couldn't wait any longer until we get together. She just started crying so I had to tell her that this beast will be beaten. If I had to develop cancer, I suppose this is the type to have. I mean, think about it--a hysterectomy and the self-enclosed cancer bag is gone! Take it out--get rid of it! I may think this but my people are harder to tell. They hear the "c" word and visions of death just well up. No, I am not going to die from this. I am going to fight this beast and I am going to WIN!!

So, on to a part of a journey not anticipated. This will be one hell of a ride.....

A step in the right direction

This week has been truly challenging. My hysteroscopy was moved up to this week and I had to rush to get all of my pre-op tests done in one day (including a medical clearance). It all moved so fast, but my gynecologist urged me to take the empty slot for the week and I followed her advice. So, Thursday I had surgery and I was informed that the removed tissue is abnormal. I will need to wait until next Tuesday/Wednesday to find out the extent of the abnormality. Based on the findings, the next course of action will be decided. I was worried about my weight loss this week because I felt that I had so little control of my body this week. The only thing I had control over was my food intake and staying on program. The anesthesia had no lasting effect after the first day, so I am glad I did not have any complications from those drugs. However, I had to walk the dog this morning because I felt a need for a little exercise, since Curves is out of the question for now. So, four pounds down today and eight more to go to reach my 10%. And, I am almost to the next phase of my weight loss. But, I am glad to have weathered this storm but I think that the coming week will be even more challenging because my pathology report is coming in on Tuesday or Wednesday. I am afraid but I don't want to admit it. I even got on my mother's case for talking to people about me without my permission. Having to tell people I haven't told myself about my surgery just makes me have to tell people I am not sure of my future. And, I don't want to be unclear about my future--I have worked too hard to get here and I don't want something else to come in the way.

Start of my journey

I thought that 2011 was going to be my year of great changes. Well, changes are a-coming, but they may not be so great. Nevertheless, I vow to face them head-on, whatever that may mean! 


In early January, 2011, I found out that my cousin, who is one year younger than me, has a host of health problems. They are extreme and this news hit me hard. I always thought there was time to get to live a healthy lifestyle and, bam, here is news that my concept of time is skewed and distorted. There is no more time!! So, I started on yet-another-weight-loss journey, but this one seems a little more personal. I am scared now. I am scared to develop health issues that are irreversible and that fear is what prompts me to seek a better path. And, a better path is one that I am on. 


There are other developments that I do not feel comfortable sharing right now. Still, I may do so, in the future. For now, just putting this down seems enough.